Coming Full Circle
Flashback, September 2003: I’m 18 going on 33. No, wait. I’m 18. I’m not particularly mature for my age – but not immature either. Regardless, I’ve always felt “old”. At 18 I was driven, curious, ambitious and intimidated by the big city I had moved to for college. I was inspired and overwhelmed by every new idea that was presented to me in and out of school. I was convinced that everyone I met was so much smarter, more talented and worldly than I was. How could the girl from the Jersey Shore compare with the sophisticated New York kids? The transition from high school to college was hard. I’m beginning to see how that sentiment is shared universally and across generations. While I didn’t experience homesickness in the way I’ve seen it in others – the influx of new ideas, ways of thinking and living were completely overwhelming. How do I create my life like the people I read about in class? What can I do to make my life rich, creative, fulfilling and inspiring like the artists and activists I admire? Is there at Judy Chicago’s Dinner Table for me?
(Judy Chicago’s The Dinner Party)
I still ask these questions from time to time.
I’ve struggled for months with how to begin this piece. 3 months, exactly. Sometimes, in cases like this where there is just so much to say, I don’t know where to start so I don’t. I’m trying to get over that because this is one of the most important things that’s ever happened to me and I have to learn how to tell my story. I’m going to try and explain without romanticizing it but I may fail. Here we go:
Take a Beat.
Do you ever feel like you just can’t catch up? You haul yourself out of bed before the sun to go to your survival job to pour pots on pots on pots of coffee so you can pay your bills. Then you spend all day in rehearsal getting ready for another amazing show. Meanwhile your apartment looks like a tornado blew through, but instead of getting it all in order you spend your downtime getting that monologue memorized, working on your book, fitting all that you can into the hour voice lesson, booking time and space to record and send your submission videos, print your headshots, stare at them and remember that you should probably get your haircut soon and then get some NEW headshots, and making sure you have enough options for audition/callback outfits for your one day off. You weigh the value of a full gas tank versus a MegaBus or MetroNorth ticket to get to that open call in Manhattan. You somehow fit all you need for a 36 hour trip into the city in your Vera Bradley laptop backpack and still manage to fit cookies in there to bring your friend for letting you take up weekly residence on her LoveSack in the living room. Most days it takes every ounce of strength to get back on the bus or train and leave the city, but for now, it’s only a short ride away. On top of all that there’s maintaining relationships with your family, friends, and boyfriend.
Holy Crap that’s a lot. It’s total chaos, it’s my life and I love every minute of it.
But right now I am trying my very best to take a beat. Not three weeks ago I wrapped up an amazing show with some truly special people. The boyfriend and I just got brand new jobs that begin in less than a week and I have HUGE audition appointment in a couple days. There are so many things I have learned about the craft and myself in the past 8 weeks. Before the end of this amazing and challenging calendar year slips away, I want to share some of those things with you. Some are simple and silly, and others more serious, but they are a part of me now. I am really looking forward to sharing some new stories with you all!
Peace&Love,
When to Take the Job, When to Walk Away
I am a vegetarian. I am an actor who does a lot of commercials. I am a vegetarian actor who does a lot of commercials in the city that is the world headquarters for a restaurant chain that serves lots and lots of chicken. Would I eat meat on camera? Well, sure, for a price. A really, really good price.
I am a woman who believes in using, has used, and is using birth control. I am an actor who does a lot of commercials and industrials in a region where a whole heck of a lot of the work is for medical services and companies. Due to some recent hospital mergers, some of the hospitals, whose marketing campaigns hire a lot of regional actors, have new rules and regulations surrounding when and whether doctors can prescribe birth control to their patients. When the auditions came up for one such hospital system earlier this year, I really agonized over whether to audition. Could I lend my talents to a hospital system that refuses to provide full health services to half the population? The rate was mediocre and I was uncomfortable with the company’s policies, so I passed on that one.
Now hiring: Survival job! Great for actors!
Who here has a survival job? (Looks around) Most of you? Fantastic. You’ll appreciate this one.
I’ve had lots of survival jobs since moving to Chicago. I’ve worked in a toy store, been a tour guide multiple times, had a desk job, and currently wait tables. During my multiple job hunts, there were times I found job postings that were labeled as “great for actors!”
“Well,” I thought to myself, “isn’t that convenient! I’m an actor! I should do this job.”
After some trial and error, I learned to ask myself a question after seeing this phrase. Why are they good for actors? Do they require you to use memorization? Is the scheduling flexible? Or do they just like you for your “acting skills.” (For the record, having employers tell you to “use your acting skills” for a non acting job is one of my biggest pet peeves.)
My point is that there are usually red flags that come with these jobs that are supposedly fantastic for actors. I’ll some examples.
There’s a company that consistently posts on nearly all of the Chicago theatre websites I use to check for auditions. Their headline is along the lines of “Actors needed for live infomercials!” After doing some research on this company, I’ve learned that it’s nothing more than a sales job. There’s nothing wrong with having a sales job as long as that’s what you want to do. I’m assuming they go after actors because they know we’re capable of selling their products. Unfortunately, it’s misleading, and not in the field that many of us want to stay in.
Weighty Matters
A director recently told me that most casting directors would recommend that I “lose 20 pounds, or gain 60.”
Weight is always a stressful issue, and one of the most visible vestiges of sexism in our society. Women are far more often the victims of unrealistic and unobtainable media images of what a body “should” look like, which creates an environment of psychological and physical self-abuse. In the performing arts, the problem is amplified, with performers who are already at or beneath their ideal weight expected to starve themselves — thus perpetuating this image of the false ideal.
Men do not suffer from this, largely because men are still for the most part the rulers of media and therefore get to set the standards. How often do we see an attractive, skinny woman walking down the street with a big fat boyfriend? And how rarely do we see the reverse? Men even escape the judgment of weight in the entertainment industry. John Goodman is one of the most talented film actors working today. But would a Jane Goodman have made it nearly as far?
10 Things I Learned from being a TV/Movie Extra.
I’d only done extra work once in University, many years ago. Then I was non-union and I did a huge high school prom scene with about 300+ extras and Rose McGowan. I hated every moment of it and swore I would never do it again. However… two month ago we found ourselves short of money and I was looking into work I could do on a freelance basis, that didn’t require me to get another job. And well… I found myself as a Central Casting Extra! Was my experience artistically fulfilling? No. Was it fun? More than I thought it would be. Here is what I learned from my 3 recent extra gigs.
10 things I learned from being a Central Casting Extra! In random order..
- You are a number. Literally. You no longer have a name. You are assigned a number and everyone will constantly ask for it and refer to you as it. From, “Hi. What is your number? Here is your prop.” to “What is your number? Make-up is ready for you.”
- Act Fast if you want to book extra work. I responded to postings on Casting Networks and only got responses if I submitted within 30minutes of the posting.
- Playing dress up is fun! One of the films was a period piece and being put in full 60s wardrobe, hair and make-up was very fun. I wish I could share a photo but I had to sign a confidentially agreement.
- Don’t bother spending $5 on a Starbucks latte to bring to set. There will likely be a full cappuccino bar in craft service! See #5.
- Food on Big Sets is awesome! I mean really awesome!! Indie Film is my passion but wow the food cannot compare. Even on the films I have produced, I was very diligent to feed crew and cast well. I’m committed to taking care of people but most indie budgets don’t allow for the gourmet spread on big blockbusters sets. We’re talking fish, 3 different meats, a slew of veggie options, an expansive salad bar, pasta bar, dessert bar, cappuccino bar, and a juicer to make to-order juices. I don’t exaggerate when I say they were some of the best meals I’ve had in the last 6+ months! Read more…
Busy Work: I’m Doing It Right.
Hello hello from my resort housing! I’m once again working an out of town contract, this time in 1962 Baltimore, MD, performing “Hairspray the Musical”. I’ve written a lot on staying productive (read Busy Work: I’m Doing It Wrong) and while that is something that all of us struggle with when on out-of-town contracts, I haven’t faced that problem too much in these last 8 weeks. This time, I have been so busy with multiple projects that I haven’t had time to freak out over my lack of work.
It started with a 10 week intensive scene study class for theater acting, happening once a week on one of my days off. Working on serious scenes in class has been a fantastic balance to my silly crazy fun Hairspray workout. In addition to class I have to meet to rehearse with scene partners, and memorize new material constantly.
The Adventures of Gimpy
Spoiler alert: Gimpy doesn’t have adventures. Because Gimpy has her leg in an immobilizer.
Another spoiler alert: I am Gimpy. Since my freak accident that dislocated my kneecap, my friends and professors have taken to calling me Gimpy. And I’ve been learning a lot of hard lessons: like what to do when your health insurance doesn’t want to cover for you; that after so many weeks, your now-unused muscles start to wither and entropy and how long it actually takes to heal after an injury.
It’s hard to believe that I use to climb stairs, get in and out of cars, sit at a desk in classes and think nothing of it and now it’s a real challenge. I am adjusting but there’s a new obstacle everyday: from blocking scenes to using a dustpan, I am appreciating healthy, working kneecaps more and more!
The Green Room 