“Am I my resume?”
Over and over my life feels like a scene out of A Chorus Line.
“Who am I anyway?” Is it a lie to call myself an actor when I do so many things with my life? Where’s the easier title for actor/choreographer/singer/barista/teacher?
“Am I my resume?” Even though I’ve done great things and had people give me huge opportunities, will new people take a chance on me in the future? Do all these ‘great’ credits even help me when I walk into an audition room?
“That is a picture of a person I don’t know” … Does my headshot still look like me? Do I need to get new ones taken? Do I give the same air of confidence that my picture seems to show? Can they sense my insecurity and fear?
I’m having a hard time telling myself that my current employment or lack-of does NOT reflect on my overall success as a person. Unfortunately my heart can’t quite accept what my head keeps repeating. If I’m not currently employed as an actor then surely I must not be talented/marketable/working hard enough. If other people have multiple opportunities come to them when I have one or none, then they must be more talented/successful/attractive/confident. RIGHT? (WRONG) I believe with all my heart that I will do awesome things in my future, but I am very doubtful about when or where. Every day is a battle with myself to keep a good attitude about my future when I don’t have castmates or directors or family around to encourage me.
Sorry for the depressing post! And thank you for reading. I’m often so positive in my blogging but these are the thoughts that have been bouncing around my head for the past few weeks. To close with a little more Chorus Line, I won’t forget and I can’t regret what I am doing for love, and theater is that love for me.
Photo credit: nytimes.com
The Green Room 
I know this feeling, and it’s always easier for people on the outside to see it, so I will tell you: You are an often-employed triple-threat actress in LA! Damn, you are successful at this business!!!! and you are a nice person, which is even more important! So there you go.
Thank you granted! 🙂 that means so much to me.
Yeah, ditto to Granted. I am super impressed at how often you’re working, girl. Give yourself some credit!
The weirdest thing about the timing of this blog is that I got a casting offer this morning. Hmm. Part two of this blog coming soon.
You are the shiz.
We are our own worst enemy and our own biggest critic. Focus on your accomplishments and keep yourself busy with other things you love until that next opportunity comes knocking on your door.
I’m a little behind in the game and am just reading this now. Hopefully at this point your new job offer has brightened your spirits!
I don’t find this post depressing at all. I guarantee almost every actor reading this thought to themselves “Oh! I’m not the only one who has felt this way!” I think it’s totally okay to call yourself an actor/singer even though you may spent 30 hours a week at Starbucks. I’ve learned that acting is what defines me. And it’s my love for acting/theatre/singing/etc that makes me who I am. I find my passion for those things are extremely comforting, even when my career isn’t progressing as quickly as I’d like.
I’ll stop here because I can go on forever. Hopefully this helps. And I want to hear about the new gig!