Audition confessions

Guys, I have a confession.

I hate auditioning.

I mean…. no, that’s what I mean.

I can’t believe I said that. Do I get kicked off the Green Room team now? Do I have to turn in my actor’s card?

I hate auditioning so much that sometimes I’ll procrastinate getting ready, to the point that I’m late and I know I’ll hit dumb LA traffic and I won’t find street parking and why-the-heck-am-I-out-of-updated-resumes? Or sometimes I wake up with a terrible stomachache or headache, totally caused by anxiety. In both those situations I can easily talk myself out of going to the audition.

And we haven’t even started talking about the actual audition.

So, let’s talk about what causes me anxiety once I get there…. well, sometimes there’s a street fair that adds an extra 20 minutes to my commute. And, like so often happens here in LA, it will be street sweeping day and there is no parking on any of the 10 closest streets. And then you sign in and find out the monologue you memorized has been nixed for a cold-read scene. Or the choreographer wants ballet flats and all you brought were 3 inch character heels. Sometimes the monitor announces they will only let you sing 8 bars of your song, and suddenly your song choice seems all wrong and you scramble through your book for what 8 bars will best show off your voice and pray to the heavens that you can remember all the words to your new choice, a song you haven’t sung since college

And can I just say, dance auditions are the the worst kind of auditions! Spending an eternity in the waiting room seems to be a given for any kind of audition, but at least when you audition with a song or a monologue you are only in the audition room for mere minutes. Good or bad, your preliminary audition is short and sweet. At a dance call, you can be in the audition room for HOURS, learning a dance combo with (what feels like) hundreds of people, who all seem to take dance class more often you and most of whom found a sexier outfit than you to wear. And once you learn the combo, you stand on the sides of the room, with your muscles getting cold, waiting for each group to go, until you have one chance to prove how awesome you are, while also trying to show off your technique, acting chops, and short-term memory skills.

See, it’s not that I’m scared of auditioning. The only thing scary about the audition itself is forgetting the dance combo or losing the song lyrics. I think my phobia revolves more around every little thing that can and does go wrong up until that point.

So I reward myself. Not for doing a good job at the audition (because occasionally I suck!). I reward myself for showing up to the audition. That’s it. Because I have finally realized that showing up is the hardest part for me. And if I can do that, and I have a headshot and I have material to perform, I can’t fail. Because every opportunity that I don’t show up for, I miss out on. Every time I decide to sleep in or waste time on YouTube instead of getting my butt to an audition is a time that I will not get the callback, or not make a good impression on that dance captain, or not show the equity monitor that I mean business and yes this is the third time they’ve seen me this week.

So wish me luck— there are chocolate chip reward cookies in my future. It’s audition time.